When the Wedding Dress goes wrong!

Every girl DREAMS of that perfect wedding dress. Yearns for it, searches for it. Eats, sleeps and pines and plunders for it!

When Mr Pirate and I started planning our wedding, I did just that. We had the venue, we had the theme, we knew many of the "little details" we wanted to have. I, like any other Lass, started the search for the PERFECT gown. And I had found it!  and for a STEAL of a price! I mean, $150 for my wedding dress?!?!?!?! There must be a catch, right?

Right.

The catch, was that it was a direct order from mainland China. After talking with the seller, regarding the make and measurements of the dress, I went ahead and placed the order. OHMYGOD! Are you insane?! Have you let your Jolly Roger fly too freely??? No. That order was placed with a good amount of knowledge and timing. I deal directly with manufacturing in mainland China every single day for my "day job" (hey, a Pirate has to have a way to finance her ship, ya' know!). So I knew the risks I was taking. But for that price, I was willing to try, and had left myself MORE than plenty time to find something else.... just in case.

So, what did I order? Let me show you!

Gorgeous, ain't she? And yes, I realize that those photos show a couple different sleeve options.  no biggie.

Flash forward about 2 months, and I get the package in the mail! I get home that night, and am DESPERATE for Mr Pirate to hurry up and leave for work!! JUST LEAVE WILL YA'?!?!?!?!

He finally leaves, The Powder Monkey is content watching cartoons for a spell, and I get to open the package! The moment has arrived, it is here!!! I gently, but urgently (and carefully) open the package....


and pull it out

and promptly say "WTF"

Yup. What I opened, and what I ordered, were no where in the same Ocean, let alone in the same ball park (for those of you who need a different analogy)

Let me show you just how different it was

oh yeah. Big difference. Not to mention all the small issues that were wrong with it. The zipper was crooked, flowers were falling off, and what the heck was up with those GIANT ugly flowers just tacked on on there?!?!?! The balloon hem was, well, not anything like the photos.

 You can see the disdain on my face here: seriously- what the hell is going on?!


So, I went "professional" on that thing. Sent the seller the following technical comments:

 Raw edges that were never serged, and should have been finished

 yes, those are straight pins that arrived still inside the dress. I didn't add those!

 Zipper sewn in crooked

 Flowers falling off

Seriously- this thing was a HOT MESS.

And some back and forth with the seller, that I also showed them where they STOLE the original photos from. I got all but $20 of my money back.

I now had a good amount of parts and fabric to work with, and a LOT of work ahead of me. I had to quickly decide how this was going to go down. Would I buy a new dress? Would I try and fix this one?

Fortunately, I had the help of another Lady Pirate whom is near and dear to my cold black heart to talk some sense into me, and help come up with a plan.

I immediately started tearing that thing apart, and she started working on the top. We sliced and diced, and butchered, and pillaged and plundered that thing.

After about a month of work, this is the final product:

Well, almost final. We decided in the long run to NOT have straps on My dress. And I'm so happy we made that choice (although I am still working on making them detachable so I can add then for future events)


Want to see how it all turned out??  OF COURSE YOU DO!!!!!!!

Photo Credit to : Fotos By Fudd

The hat was also made by Me, and I'll do a separate post on that, because it looks nothing like how it started.

I'd say, it turned out to be a DAMN FINE garment. And I'll be able to use for other events. As a matter of fact, I plan to use the corset (possibly with detachable straps) for an event coming up later this year.

Thankful for all the sewing skills I picked up over the years or crafting at home, as well as in my professional life. Those skills saved my rutting arse!

Back at it, and how I built my cutting table

As we all know, life happens. Sometimes, it happens quiet and mysteriously, other times, it's like a freight train running into the side of  a cruise ship, and everything is now sinking down into the water.

That was the consensus for many people over the last year, and while I had my own hiccups, my year in comparison, was busy, but not as bad as some people.

I spent 7 months rehabbing a completely dislocated elbow from a horseback riding injury, then I had to completely remake my wedding dress (that will be a separate post) since what I ordered and what I received were two totally different things, followed by getting married, and then finding out the property we were renting, was being sold, and scrambling to find our own homestead. WHEW!

All in all, things ended up as they should have! And we can all get back to our way of life!

Since we are only 2 months into the new homestead, I thought you all would like to see some of the projects we do, as we do them!

The first thing on the list, was building my cutting table for the sewing room. Well, and getting the rest of the room in order. It's currently full of boxes, and pieces, and trims, and bolts, and, and, and, well... you get the idea.


After scouring the internet, stalking my Dear Friend Casey's sewing room, and eyeballing my space and the things I wanted, this is what was settled on:

For the base, I used three of these 9 cube organizers. You will need to adjust for your needs based on the size of your room:
9 Cube Organizer

Mr Pirate was pretty awesome, and put these together for me while I was at the office during the day. The Powder Monkey was so proud of her daddy, that when I got home she dragged me by the hand with closed eyes to show me! So sweet!

Here's what they look like together, and how I configured them:

I set them this way, with the intent that I could easily get to the plug, and still be able to have some storage underneath the table. I have not yet put the backing on the shelves, as I'm not sure I want it there.

After leaving them set up for a few days, and making sure that's what I still wanted for the final product, I took length and width measurements. 77"X 36" is what was needed.

Saturday morning, I left Mr Pirate at home with the Powder Monkey, and headed over to Home Depot to get my MDF cut. 
MDF is "Medium Density Fiberboard".  Don't let the name fool you, this stuff weighs a TON. It's heavy.  This is the size board I had to buy and I had the guys at Home Depot cut it for me. They cut for free, and you get to keep all the pieces!

And I have to be honest. This bad boy ALMOST didn't fit in the back of my Pilot. Almost. Had to move both from seats forward, and had two very nice contractors in the parking lot help me load the pieces into my SUV. THANK YOU FOR THAT!!!!! When I got them home, Mr Pirate helped me unload, and the Powder Monkey helped by holding open doors.

Here's what it looks like unpainted:

The next thing to do, was to paint that bad boy. It just so happens, that when we bought the homestead, the contractors who painted EVERY SINGLE WALL flat white, left their giant contractor sized bucket of paint. So, rather than buying more, I just used that. It took three coats total, since the MDF was soaking the paint up very quickly and eagerly.

Here it is after two coats: 

Here it is after three coats: (Not sure that you can really tell in the photos, but I assure you, there are three coats of paint:

While I waited for the paint to dry, I packed up Mr Pirate and the Powder Monkey, and we headed over to Joann Fabric.

I picked up 2 1/2 Yards of 4guage Vinyl, and two of the biggest size cutting mats that they had. Be sure to look for coupons people! I got a $5 rebate from Ibotta as well as the cutting mats were on sale, and I had more coupons from the Joann Fabric app.

Here's a pic of the vinyl going on, as well as it applied and the table top in place:

And then last thing I did, was to lay the Cutting Mats up there:

And there she is! The final product!!!!!!!!

The only other thing that I have planned to do now, is to mount some heavy duty brackets to the wall above it and add a dowel rod. That way, when I am pulling fabric off of a roll, it won't roll off the table.  I'll have to add a picture of that once I find bracket that I really like!

I also plan to decorate the organizers themselves, and will most likely use the new vinyl decals you can get. This way, when I get bored, I can peel them off and put up new ones with little effort.

The next project, is to get my fabrics organized and into those cubbies!

So, all in all:
(3) Nine Cube Organizers $100
(1) Sheet MDF: $30
(1) 2 1/2 yards of 4 guage Vinyl $9
(2) 24" X 36" cutting mats: $80
Paint: I had paint on hand, but have been told that a sample size of paint worked well for someone else.

Total: $219  (this price is what it would have cost me without coupons, rebates, and a $40 gift card!)



Easy to do, and can be done in a weekend, or even a day if you are organized!!!
If you  try this one, let me know! I'd love to see your variation of it!

A quick Disolving solution!

Ahoy there Mateys!!!! Sorry for the lack of communication and posts lately! I've been down and out with a dislocated elbow! Long version of the story made short, that horse didn't want to be ridden, and he went into rodeo mode, and I didn't sit the 7 seconds. I landed on my elbow and BAM- Harry Potter arm! I still have a long way to go, but I can at least type! I have some posts lined up for you, but wanted to get a quickie out there for you to tide you over!!!


With all the tomatoes we harvested this summer from the homestead, we made a LOT of sauce!!!! It's delicious, but with sauce comes acid from the tomatoes. We all know this, and with home canning, we add lemon juice to help raise the acid even more for safe canning! That means it's REALLY acidy!!!!
When your First Mate has acid reflux, you have to do something! And this is it! This makes a HUGE difference! You add 1/8-1/4 TSP (yes JUST a 1/8-1/4 TEASPOON) of baking soda to the pot as you heat it on the stove. You will see the sauce foam and bubble, just like that elementary school volcano you made in science class. 

This neutralized the acid in the tomatoes, and makes it much more enjoyable for everyone! No one gets burned from the inside out, and no one has to watch a loved one suffer from your cooking!

Extra tid-bit- this works on sauteed onions too!

IMPORTANT NOTE: Do NOT use too much baking soda, or you will impart a funny taste to your food. You'll see from the video below just how far a little bit goes. The video is just over 1 minute long because I wanted you all to see how much acid gets neutralized by the baking soda.

Evaporated Milk

This is going to be a very quick post! I didn't want you all to think I had forgotten about you!

With Christmas rapidly approaching, I know many of you will be baking speed demons! My First Mate here at the homestead is something of a Cookie Elf himself, so I know alllllllll that goes into making those delectable morsels!

One ingredient, that I know I, Myself often forget to pick up at the store, is evaporated milk. But- I'm here to tell you, it's soooooooooo easy to just make your own! Especially if you are like us, and always have milk on hand for your Powder Monkeys (aka- the kids!)

Let's get started!

Needs:
Pot
Wooden skewer
Spatula
waste bowl
Milk- 4 1/2 Cups


Step1: Pour 2 cups of milk into your pan, and put it on the stove.

Step 2: Take your skewer and stick it into the milk, and then mark on the skewer where the milk line is. The black line on the skewer shows where the milk touched.

Step 3: Add the other 2 1/2Cups of milk to the pot and bring the pot of milk up in temperature to just barely a boil, and then reduce the heat to keep it at a very very low gentle simmer.

Here's where patience needs to happen. It's going to take a little bit to reduce aka EVAPORATE the water off the milk. What you are doing here, is reducing the amount of water in the milk by 60%. But, like all good things, this takes time!

You will want to stir the pot every few minutes, to keep the bottom from scalding, as well, a skin will form on top. Remove the skin with your spatula and put it in the waste bowl. Here's a photo of the skins I was pulling off the top of the pot. Just dump it in there, and toss it later.

Step 4: once you notice that the amount of milk in the pot is going down, take that skewer and see if the milk matches the line you marked. If not, keep cooking! If it does, guess what?! You now have evaporated milk!

You'll want to allow the milk to cool before using it, and it will store in a jar in the fridge for up to two weeks.

Easy peasy!!!!!

Happy Cooking Mutineers!

Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater!

Now that Halloween is over, I'm sure many of you have pumpkins that you aren't sure what to do with. Do you just let it ferment and hope that the squirrels come and eat it and get drunk? Do you put it straight into the trash or compost?

NOPE! You're gonna cook that thing up! But wait, isn't it a pain to chop up and roast a whole pumpkin??? YES! It is! In case you haven't realized it yet, this blog, is about how to NOT make it be a pain in the pa'-toot!

If you are fortunate like we are, and have an adorable Powder Monkey on board your ship, chances are you have a few pumpkins. Ours is adorable enough to charm the Farmer right off his tractor! He got right down, pulled two large pumpkins off the wagon and gave them to her! Little stinker!

Since we are fortunate, I don't want to let any of that kind generosity go to waste! So, I roasted the pumpkins. Whole. In the oven! It's truly easy!

Things you'll need:
Oven set to 375
Knife
Pointy spoon
Pumpkins (squash of any type works with this method. For this post, you'll see both a large pumpkin and a spaghetti squash)
Tin Foil (optional


First thing- you'll probably need to lower the racks in your oven to the two lowest settings. On the bottom rack, I put some tin foil to catch any potential dribbles. Haven't had that happen yet. Then again, "yet" means it's still a possiblity. You could also use a baking sheet. None of mine have edges, so I use the tin foil instead.  Once you have that done, turn the oven on and set it to 375 and let it heat up.

Next,grab your pumpkin and wash it off! You don't want the dirt from the field roasting in the oven!

Once you've gotten it all clean take a pairing knife and poke a few holes around the top. I try to keep the cuts on the top, so that it won't dribble down the sides and into the oven (hence the tin foil on the bottom rack- just in case!).  This is also a great time to take out a little aggression! You don't need too many slits, just a few.

 There is also the possibility that you may need to trim the pumpkin stem down. Go ahead, grab a good stiff knife and hack off some of that stem! I know I still needed to do this even though I put my oven racks all the way down.

By the way- all your prep work is now done! Just stick that sucker in the oven!

 Here's the not so measured part of all this. Now, you just wait. After a couple of hours, you can test the readiness of the squashes by taking a fork and poking the pumpkin. Now- a pumpkin's skin is a bit thicker, so you will have a tiny bit of resistance. But, as long as the fork goes in after the initial pop, then you are good to go! How long it needs to cook, depends on how big of a pumpkin you are roasting.  This was a decent sized pumpkin, and I let it cook about 2 hours and it was PERFECT! the spaghetti squash in the photo was done MUCH sooner! I think that one took about 45 minutes.

Once they are cooked, pull them out and set them on the counter to cool. Just for a little bit. You don't want to make the mistake of grabbing a hot pumpkin straight out of the oven! OUCH!

 Once they are cooled, take a knife and split them open to cool a little more. they will still be WAY hot on the inside!

They will split open soooooooooooooo easily! You can send me thank you cards at any point for this!

Once they have cooled enough to really handle, take a pointy spoon and start to scrape out the seeds! I use a grapefruit spoon, but any spoon would work. Since they are cooked, and nice and soft, it's really easy to remove the seeds! Just be sure to not take all your yummy squash meat with it!

After removing the seeds, go ahead and scrape out that lovely meat! Just put it in a bowl as you go. I was able to pull the pumpkin and squash apart in chunks, and peel the skin right off! Some spots, I did scrape with the spoon, but both methods are super easy and low fuss!

you can stop here, and either eat the meat as it is, or let it fully cool and freeze it, or you can take it a step further, and blend it up. The spaghetti squash I turned into fritters (which will be a later post) and the pumpkin, I pureed up. I just put the chunks into my Ninja and blended away! It came out super nice and smooth! You can then divide it into freezer bags, or use immediately in recipes. If you put it in a bowl in the fridge, and let it sit without a lid for a couple of days, you'll notice the moisture leaves! I'm not that patient, so I tend to squeeze mine through a cheese cloth, or tea towl to remove moisture.

There it is! YUM!!!!!!! Go ahead and make all the foods! This particular batch was turned into muffins, soup, fritters and sauce!

Go forth, and no longer fear roasting a whole huge pumpkin! I'll be processing our Halloween pumpkins this weekend and saving that golden goodness for the upcoming holidays!

I've got that Easy Peelin'

Get it?! Easy Peelin', instead of Easy Feelin'.... ok. Obviously, I haven't had enough coffee yet. Or maybe too much, but I'll leave that alone for now!

Last week, we talked about how to make chicken stock, since ya'll decided that the Chicken came first. This week, I want to show you how to make the easiest peeling hard eggs! Note that I didn't say "Hard Boiled Eggs"? That's because I no longer boil them. Nope. Never again will I boil an egg, and go through the horrors of trying to peel an egg, only to loose half of it to the shell and compost.

Well, if you don't boil them, what do you do? STEAM them!!!!!!!

Reason being, the steam, not only permeates the shell, but it also permeates that membrane and separates the membrane from the egg as it cooks. That's the part that normally holds onto the egg white and causes you to lose half of your egg.

I have done this now with store bought eggs, farm fresh eggs (yes, from the roadside stand down the way from me!) and with eggs that were still warm from coming out of the chicken! Doesn't get any fresher than that! And I had the same fabulous results with all of them.

So, let's get to the steaming!

You'll need:
A pot
Water
Steamer basket of some type. Either the metal ones, or the bamboo. Doesn't matter. Both work fine.
Eggs







Step One:
Put enough water in the bottom of the pot to be able to bring it to a boil and keep at a low boil for approx 20-25 minutes. Turn the stove on and bring that water up to a boil.

Step Two:
While you wait for the water to boil, Get your steamer basket and load it up with eggs

I just lay them in there. Nothing fancy. We go through a LOT of eggs each week. So, this is a normal amount for us.

Step Three:
Once the water is boiling, turn the heat back just enough to keep it at a low boil. Put the steamer basket in or on the pot (depending on the style you are using it may be different than mine). And set your timer for 20-25 mins. I have found when I use the Jumbo eggs from the roadside stand, that 25 mins works best for me.

Once the timer is done, I turn off the stove, and move the whole shebang to either the counter, or a cool burner. I just let it all come down in temp. I never rush. Sometimes, I even leave them on the counter and go out in the yard and play with the Powder Monkey for a bit, or blast off a few practice shots with the bow and arrow or plot the next Village to plunder and pillage.....

Once they are cool, go ahead and store in the fridge just like you would any other boiled egg. A note about food safety- you do not want to put hot foods directly into the fridge. Let it come down in temp before putting away.


And just to prove to you what I am showing you in these photos works- just watch! So easy that even my two year old Powder Monkey can peel her own egg!

Which Came first? the Chicken (Stock) or the Egg?

Well, after the votes were tallied, it looks like you Mutineers want to know about the Chicken! So the chicken is coming first!


Let's get started on how to turn a $7.50 whole chicken into 6 meals and 11 Quarts of stock!

you will need:

- a whole chicken. Preferably already culled, otherwise there are extra steps you'll need to take. That will be a later post. So for this time, let's assume you have purchased a whole chicken from the butcher or grocery store
-some carrots
-onion
-couple cloves of garlic
-Shot of apple cider vinegar
-crockpot
-water
-pressure canner and jars/lids/rings OR freezer safe containers and freezer space



First thing you'll want to do,  is get your crockpot out and ready to go. I do everything in the crockpot. This pot will be kept going for 3-5 days. YES! Really, so if you haven't gotten over leaving your crockpot on while you are gone, GET OVER IT! That's what they are made to do! Unless you have faulty wiring, then that's a whole other issue!

The next thing we are going to do, is get that chicken ready!

As you can see from the photo, I really and truly bought a whole, organic chicken for $7.50.  Shop around, look around, you might be surprised where you will find cheap food! I will say, that because this is an organic, antibiotic and hormone free chicken, it seemed "small" compared to the super huge fattened up chickens we are used to seeing. FEAR NOT, Me Hearties! You will still get a TON out of this one chicken!

So, stand him up on one end. I like to keep the "big" side down, so the leg bones are at the top, where the packaging is smaller. I cut just a small opening into that bag. There's a lot of liquid in the bag, and you don't want that running all over the place. You don't want salmonella to ruin your stock party!

While you still only that that small opening in the bag, you'll want to reach inside the chicken and grab the bag of giblets. Don't throw them away, we're going to use them! Clip them out of their separate packaging and put them into the crockpot, along with the whole chicken. Nothing fancy, just dump them all in there!

There may or may not be one of those little paper pads in there. be sure to pull that out if there is!

Once you have your chicken in the pot, and have cleaned up your work surface from any dribbles, you'll want to add your veggies. I peel the onion and garlic, and don't even bother chopping the carrots. I just plop them all on top of the chicken in the pot. And then put that shot of apple cider vinegar on top. This helps to pull the minerals/nutrients out of the bones!

Once you have your chicken, giblets, and veggies in the pot, go ahead and cover it with water, and turn the crockpot onto the lowest setting.

After 12 hours, it will look something like this:

Go ahead and get a platter and remove the chicken. leave the veggies in there, and leave the liquid.
Let the chicken cool enough to the touch to pull the meat off it and set aside for meals (I got 6 total meals from this chicken. It was 2 full meals for the three of us!!!). Once you have a pile of bones and a pile of meat, dump the bones back into the crockpot! This is the key to making your good stock!

Add some more water to make sure the pot is full if need be. Let it go another 12 hours.

At the end of the 24 hours, you can strain off HALF of the pot. Don't drain it more than half way! You want to leave some of the stock there to flavor the new batch. You can fill your jars with the strained stock (I use a laddle and a fine mesh strainer to do this.) and once cooled, you can put them into the fridge.

Top off with fresh water, and let go another 24 hours.

Repeat this process of removing liquid and adding water every 24 hours. You want your stock to be a nice dark amber color like this:

depending on the particular chicken, I usually keep this going for 3-5 days. Once the bones of the chicken just smoosh and crumble between my thumb and index finger with little pressure, and the stock color lightens up, I call it a day.

If you are going to pressure can the stock, then this is the time to take your jars out of the fridge and can them.
If you are going to keep it in the freezer, then you can just pop those containers right into the freezer instead of the fridge!

Please note- that I do NOT add salt at any point in this process. Reason being, is that I would much rather add it when I am cooking and adjust the salt to the recipe I am making, rather than have to adjust my recipe to the salt already in my stock!

Enjoy! And Happy Sailing!!!!!